Ready for a bit of the old ultraviolence? From Russ Meyers to Stanley Kubrick and Tarantino, from a young age I was hooked on the sounds and imagery of violence; its power and its vulnerability. It was through violent films that I also began to appreciate great scripts; these gory and gratuitous films had far more witty and compelling screenplays than the mainstream Hollywood movies, especially the mind-numbing “romcoms”. I noticed this as a teenage girl. It’s at that time I stared writing.
The central character in A Clockwork Orange talks in a brutal invented slang that brilliantly renders his and his friends’ social pathology, it’s a rather kooky story about good and evil, and the meaning of human freedom. Tarantino’s films were grossly violent yet very witty. I giggled away when Mr. Blonde cut off the cop’s ear in the torture scene, held it and spoke into it. Awesome. When I saw Faster Pussy Cat Kill Kill, the ruthless and hard-hitting one liners of cult siren, Tura Satana (Varla), had me entranced. I was twelve when I first saw her on my TV. I’d mimic her with the same tone and aggression she had. “I never try anything. I just do it. And I don’t beat clocks, just people! Wanna try me?”. She’d lift men up on her shoulders and she’d grab a woman’s hair and throw her down. She was an idol, she was so free; nobody controlled her.
I do not have a history of violence, in my Session Girls interview I was rather frank and open about my life, I told you all that I’d been in foster care. I think many assume a foster child has escaped violence of some sort but if I’d had a violent childhood I doubt I’d get so excited by violent imagery. The only violence I experienced was the violence I caused myself, mostly. I had a very toxic relationship once, fuelled by drugs and alcohol; we thought we were rock stars and we partied like rock stars, it was all very Sid and Nancy. “Love kills”. Things sometimes got bloody and incredibly nasty but I honestly never felt like a victim or a “battered woman”, I honestly think we were both as a bad as each other. We were besotted with one another. It was an unstable time of my life. I’d never been so overwhelmingly in love with anyone before nor since but my memories of him mostly consist of gazing into each other’s eyes, partying and violence. That relationship ended when he died. And it was a couple of years after that tragic, abhorrent and excruciating period that mixed wrestling came into my life, to save my ass.
Violence is about power and control, sometimes vulnerability because very strong people don’t need to use violence to get a message across or to prove a point. Violence can be used to control but it can occur due to loss of control and these are two different things. I certainly had a loss of control in my early twenties but never ever wanted to control anyone. I’d explode like a volcano and my lava would destroy anyone in its way. Now, I love to control men but only on the mats. Now, I love aggression and rage but only on the mats in a loving wrestling match between two consenting and enthusiastic adults.
Peace, love and headscissors.